Suddenly, we entered another lunar new year. And suddenly, we lost our beloved black lab, Charlie to old age.

Losing Charlie has changed our life significantly. We have been caring for Charlie during the last year and half, including daily medication, frequent vet visits, and a couple major surgeries. Now suddenly, our responsibility as pet owners was reduced to the bare minimal, just providing Roxie some dry food and water. It almost feels like we have no one to care for.

It has only been a few days since Charlie’s passing. His paw prints are still visible on the snow in the backyard, and his medication are still in the fridge next to the ketchup bottle. We are trying to get used to the life without Charlie, with all the difficult first times – the first dinner without him drooling next to our feet, the first morning without him greeting us on top of the stairs, and the first weekend without his loud snores and warm cuddles. I have the urge to adopt another dog immediately, just to fill the void left by Charlie. But we also know that we should wait, at least for a few months, until the kitchen renovation is finished.

Yes, we have made plans to renovate the kitchen in Spring. We have come up with a floor plan, purchased the cabinets, researched the appliances, and even booked a contractor. I was eager to share all the details with you in January – I even wrote a couple posts for the blog. But then Charlie passed on the 2nd day of Chinese new year, and suddenly 2022 became unexciting and loathsome. Understandably, it was hard to finish these drafts I wrote just a few days ago, which were filled with excitement and hope for the new year. However, I will come back soon with the new floor plan for the kitchen. It is gonna be a great space, I promise. 

At the end of this post, I want to share a song from “Guardian”, a thriller I enjoyed a few years back. The show is about trust and sacrifice among people from different worlds, and the lyrics of the song is in Mandarin. I think it says something like this:

过去的昨天，一切还那么真切

Yesterday in the past, memory plays like reality

回想起一篇篇， 在这模糊了双眼

Looking back the time with you, through my tearing eyes

最后让繁忙继续把我往前推

Letting the hustle and bustle continue, carrying me forward

妄想着路尽头， 你能回头看着我

Dreaming in vain that you will be there waiting, when I reach at the end of my path

还是会想起, 那时的场景

Thinking over and over, the seasons we’ve shared

原谅我只是想, 这世界还会有个人, 能为你哭泣

Not letting it go, for still someone crying for your absence

到底都分离，就别说我爱你

Parting is inevitable, so let go I love you

事到如今的我，只是太在意

Right now, I just care a little too much.

Sorry I still care a little too much.